What a wonderful year it has been since  Christmas Eve 2013.  That was one year I could not wait to end.  Ugh.  So unhappy, so afraid of what was completely out from under my control.  So miserable in my job – in my life – no direction really and needing a miracle.  And I got one.  You can too.

Do the work – that is what you have to do to make what you want happen.  And I did it.  Booya.  It is at the point now that it is a little mundane – not boring, but there are certain things that have to happen in a certain order.  If you do not keep plugging away, you don’t get the prize, you miss it, maybe by a day, a week, a year – an hour a minute a moment.  I can feel it.  You can too.  Anyone who started an exercise regime full swing, then three months later are sitting with a bag of chips and reruns on tv.

I also feel that doubt creeping in.  That horrible little troll of a creature that makes me want to give up before I’ve even gotten to the finish line.  Not happening.  Come to far for that – look I’ve written for four hundred fifty six days in a row writing.  In the scheme of things it is a drop in the bucket, in the world of writers – ain’t nothing, for someone like Hemingway – can’t imagine how many millions of words that man wrote.

But for the beginning writer – it is awesome and I will celebrate the awesomeness!

So it is Christmas Eve – we bought presents I think everyone will enjoy, or at least smile, maybe laugh or guffaw.  And that is good.  It is the one time of year we indulge on purpose. And I’m done feeling guilty about it.

There were years and years I had no idea how I was going to pull it off,   Years and years of credit card debt – won’t ever do that again.  Years and years of doubt and tears.  Enough already.  I’m done.  I want a Merry Christmas and I shall have one.

Not in a church or near a plastic crèche.  It is in my heart and will be carried as such – it is my peace on earth.  And if everyone would simply do that – be the peace on earth they wish to see in the world – maybe, just maybe we all could live just like that.  In peace.

I was thinking of war – why Israel and Pakistan are so angry at one another.  How they are fighting for a piece of dirt.  A slice of land that no one actually really owns, because you will die – you will turn into that piece of dirt – and people will continue to fight?  How stupid is that?!  Take away all the history, the why, the reason, the man made decisions – and you get what?  People standing on a piece of earth that cannot say two nice words to another!  Ridiculous.  A pitiful waste of time, energy, bodies – And the children!  What will they learn from all this?  Nothing.  Because they too will grow old and die for a piece of earth.  Feel free to substitute any country who is at war.

Did anyone ever consider maybe this was all part of a higher powers plan?!  See if the humans can actually get along – work it out?  Create decisions that will benefit both parties.  Oh My God – what a concept.  But wait – it won’t work!  How do I know this?  Just look at the US gov’t.  There are people who call themselves Democrats, others Republicans.  Life long careers – huge salaries and perks and months and months of vacations.  They have everything – so much more luxury than that piece of dirt across the ocean, that by the way,  I don’t want to look at because it makes me feel funny.  BUT wait – we have all the luxury and still cannot work out our difference and plan for the best for our country!  Not the best career move for ourselves.  Actually looking forward and planning and being proud of what we’ve planned that helps others more than it helps ourselves.  Wow.  What a concept.  Ha!  It’s pathetic.

It’s discouraging, sad and makes me embarrassed when I think of my countries gov’t who has the audacity to condemn other lands, when their own gov’t are still trying to work on issues like – hmm how about sanitation – bathrooms – clean water!  Oh My God – do you think they give a damn about the S&P500 and what the markets look like today?

Oh but wait – you’d say that’s important information!  And you’d be right!  So lets put it in a bottle and feed that starving child, cause you know what? The ‘important’ to you on Wall Street, Gov’t, a 2 million dollar home with radiant floor heating, a summer home on each coast and a college fund already paid for for Jr.   That’s what’s really important isn’t it?

In all fairness.  Yes.  It is. And they have that right and God bless them for having the ability to do that.

In all fairness – there are people waking up in shelters this morning – Christmas Eve who are thankful for the cot they had to sleep on.  Food in their belly and making it to another day.

In all fairness – I am sitting here – typing on Christmas Eve morning, deciding which cookies to bake first and looking forward to watching my children open gifts tomorrow.

Am I a hypocrite?  Oh My God I hope not.  Am I deeply troubled by the way things are?  Absolutely.  Does it make my heart ache that anyone who lost a child, a wife or husband, a relative, friend or co-worker to violence will not be there to get a Christmas morning hug?  Yes.  With all my heart.  As does those lost to us through illness, accident, old age, – death – it all hurts, it will leave scars not seen, but felt every single day.

So my dear, dear readers.  This was originally going to be a Christmas Eve post of goodwill, best wishes for health and happiness in the New Year.  And you know what?  YOU can have it.  If you are reading this, you are so very, very blessed.  You (hopefully!) have your mind, and can think, make decisions, choices, plan directions, put hopes and dreams into place and follow that path.  You have SO much more than SO many other people have on this planet.  Enjoy it – do not feel guilty – appreciate it – then it’s okay.  Want what you have – and you will find you have more than enough.  And if by chance, you can make one other person happy – feel good about themselves, appreciated or simply recognized with a smile – please do that – for yourself and for me and wow – look at that – we shared a little peace, just for a moment, not even for a full breath in and out – but it was there and I felt it and I thank you, very, very much.

Merry Christmas!

Breathe Deep, Think Peace

Patty